and that's enough
by inflowers
Summary: reid has a million questions for luke, but he's not sure he wants the answers. luke/reid


Reid doesn't think about the future much. Why should he, when everything in the present is fine? He knows from personal experience, that people who plan too much for the future get disappointed when things don't work out the way they had hoped. And disappointment is not an emotion that Reid Oliver is comfortable with. So he just doesn't think about it, and the closest he comes is considering what to have for lunch while he's eating breakfast.

But Luke? Luke thinks about the future _all_ the time. How could he not, given his history. While it's true that since Reid, things had settled down considerably, he couldn't shake the persistent need to overanalyse everything, and think about what was going to happen tomorrow before today was even over.  
For all their differences though, somehow Luke and Reid manage to work. Complimenting each other in ways that nobody could quite pinpoint, and somehow making their relationship more stable and successful than anyone could have imagined and Reid was content in the present, saving lives and coming home to his partner without worrying what was going to happen tomorrow, next week, next year or in the next ten years.  
The first time Reid considers his future with Luke, it's just after they've bought their first home. It's bigger than it needs to be, but they've converted one of the bedrooms into a second office so they can both have their space. Reid, with his bookcases filled with medical textbooks and journals, and Luke – with bookshelves filled with writers that Reid can't even pronounce the names of. Unpacking during that first week, Reid discovers that Luke has accidentally dropped a box of his stuff in Reid's office. As he opens the lid of the box, his eyes are drawn to the notebook sitting on top. It looks old, weathered and well-loved. Scribbled across the front is Luke's name, and Reid can't resist the temptation to flip open the cover and sneak a peek. He's always been curious about Luke's writing, hearing from everybody else that he's this amazing, talented, next-Hemmingway writer, but never really seeing the proof to back it up. But when Reid opens the notebook, he doesn't find the makings of a novel. Instead, he finds Luke's chicken scratch handwriting with **"Luke loves Noah", "Luke + Noah", "Luke Snyder 3's Noah Mayer", "Luke 4 Noah"** written in every possible style, with every colour pen, over and over. Reid almost laughs, but something in the bottom right hand corner catches his eye, and he pauses as he reads over it silently.

**"Luke Mayer"  
** He supposes it shouldn't be a surprise, considering how insanely in love they were at the time. It wasn't too much of a stretch to consider that Luke would have wanted to marry Noah one day, it was just a little jarring, and made Reid consider the state of their own relationship. Did Luke want to get married now? Is he planning on proposing one day? Is he waiting for Reid to propose?  
Reid tries not to think about it too much. After all – they had bought a house and moved in together. Surely that was enough, at least for right now. But he files it away in the back of his mind, wondering if maybe Luke was wanting something more out of their relationship. Something that Reid wasn't sure he could offer.  
The next time Reid thinks about it is at Faith's wedding, some years later. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, least of all the bride herself, but he couldn't help noticing how beautiful she was dressed in white and showered in love. He sits next to Luke in the church, idling picking the program while the minister drones on about true love, sacrifice and happily ever afters. Halfway through the ceremony, he remembers the notebook. The scribbling, the names and the passion and devotion behind Luke's doodling. He glances sideways, watching Luke out of the corner of his eye and noticing that Luke's eyes seem to be shining with happiness as the scene plays out in front of him. Reid can't help wondering if Luke is imagining the two of them up there one day, declaring to everyone their intentions to grow old and grey together. But Reid is brought out of his reverie quickly, as Luke pinches him in the arm and tells him to pay attention. Momentarily, Reid wonders how he could ever consider marrying someone so annoying. And then Luke smiles, and he understands.  
He barely remembers the notebook by the time the next wedding comes up. He can't help but snigger as he reads over the invitation to Noah and Richards wedding. It seemed that as soon as gay marriage was legalised in Illinois, all the gays couldn't wait to don tuxes and serve hors d'oeuvres to their myriad of guests. It also seemed that Noah and Richard were no exception to the rule, so Luke and Reid found themselves on the guest list to what promised to be the gay wedding of the century. It never fails to surprise Reid how stupidly friendly Luke still is with his ex, even to the point of being heavily involved in the wedding planning. Luke comes home after long lunches with the couple, regaling Reid with tales of place settings and ice sculptures. Reid pretends to be listening, but he passes the time by practicing surgeries in his head while Luke chatters away. Luke probably knows, but he talks anyway.  
The wedding, as much as Reid hates to admit it, is tasteful in it's elegance. Not a rainbow flag in sight, he notes and breathes a sigh of a relief. As he listens to Luke explain all the details that he had picked out, the niggling feeling about weddings and marriage returns. Did Luke want to plan his own wedding one day? Reid constantly fights with himself to not think about his future with Luke, but it doesn't mean that there isn't one. He just assumes that they'll be together, at least until Luke finally smothers him in his sleep after one too many snarky comments. And he knows that Luke is happy, but he just needs to know.  
So he sits down next to Luke, and asks.  
"Do you want this?"

"Your steak? Are you actually offering me the food off your plate? I'm beyond flattered." Luke comments drolly, rolling his eyes so hard that Reid thinks he might be having an stroke.  
"No, not my steak you idiot. Don't be stupid – Nothing comes before food."

"Preaching to the choir, Reid. I know better than to come between you and your meat."  
"I've taught you well. I wasn't talking about my food anyway."  
"Then what were you talking about? Do I want what?"  
"This." Reid sweeps an arm out in front of him, as though presenting the room to Luke. "You know, a wedding. A -" Reid pauses, recollects himself with a small cough. "You know, a marriage."  
"What?" Luke drops his fork, as it clatters loudly on his plate. "Are you... You're not, proposing are you?"  
"No!" Reid says, albeit a little too loudly. "No, of course not. You really think I'd propose at your ex boyfriends wedding? You don't know me at all, Snyder."  
"Actually, I think thats exactly the kind of thing you'd do, Oliver. Always stealing the moment"  
"Now that I think about it, you're right. I would do that. But that's not what I'm doing. I was just asking whether this is something that you'd want."  
"What makes you ask?" Luke replies, quieting down and picking his fork up again to pick at his food.  
"I see the way you act at weddings. All weepy and sentimental."  
"That's because weddings are happy, Reid. See, happiness is an emotion that sometimes people experien-" Luke begins, before being cut off.  
"Har har, very funny."  
"Well, you asked."  
"I saw the notebook, Luke."  
"What notebook?"  
"The one with Luke loves Noah written all over it. I saw it years ago, and you had given yourself Noah's last name. I just assumed that meant that you wanted to get married."  
"I did. I used to think about marrying Noah all the time."

"And you don't now?"  
"Think about marrying Noah?"  
"No, dork. Think about getting married." Reid replies, irritated.  
"Not really."  
"Should I be offended by that?"  
"No, actually. The opposite." Luke replies, taking Reid's hand.  
"Sorry? I'm still not fluent in Snyder. You're going to have to translate."  
"Listen, the reason I used to want to marry Noah so badly is because I wanted some kind of security. I always felt like he was seconds away from leaving me, and I thought that if we were married then he wouldn't leave."  
"Wow. That's … Really pathetic."  
"Shut up, Reid. I'm trying to explain." Luke snaps, continually surprised by Reid's rudeness even after years. "So I wanted to a ring on my finger that told me he wasn't going anywhere, and that we could make it through anything."  
"And you don't want that with me." It wasn't a question, and Reid was most definitely not disappointed. Despite that boulder that had lodged itself in his stomach, he couldn't care less. No, Reid definitely didn't care that Luke didn't want to solidify their relationship.  
"It's not like that. I just don't need it with you. Because you're not going anywhere, and neither am I. The rest of it? It doesn't matter." Luke replies simply, leaning over and kissing Reid gently – dissolving the unpleasant feeling Reid had been left with.  
As they watch Noah and Richard mingle with their guests, Reid uncharacteristically takes Luke's hand and leads him onto the dance floor. As they settle against each other and sway gently, Reid leans down and whispers in his partners ear.  
"I'd do it, you know. All of it. If you wanted it, I'd do it all. Flowers, vows dripping in romantic poetry, first dances to REO Speedwagon. I'd do it."  
"I know. That's why I don't need it. Having you to come home to every night, in our house with our bed and our dog is enough. What more could I ever want?"  
Reid didn't think about his future with Luke much, because maybe – just maybe, they were already married.


End file.
